I cherish a copy of Wayne Dosick’s Golden Rules: The Ten Ethical Values Parents Need to Teach Their Children (New York: HarperPaperbacks, 1995). During a course on Judaism that I taught in 2000, using Dosick’s book on that faith (1), a student gave me a copy of Golden Rules with the rabbi’s autograph to me!
Looking through Golden Rules the other day, I was moved by this story on pages 158-159.
““My friend is not back from the battlefield, sir,’ one soldier said. ‘Request permission to go out and get him.’
“‘Permission denied,’ said the officer, ‘I don’t want you to risk your life for a man who is probably already dead.’
“Disobeying orders, the soldier went anyway. An hour later, he returned, carrying the corpse of his friend, but mortally wounded himself.
“The officer was filled with grief. ‘I told you he was dead,’ he said. ‘Now I’ve lost both of you. Tell me, was he worth going out there to bring in a corpse?’
“‘Oh, it was, sir,’ the dying man replied. ‘You see, when I got to him, he was still alive, and he said to me, “Jack, I was sure that you would come.”’”
Do you have a friend like that? Are you a friend like that?
Over the years I’ve counted on several friends who, it turned out, weren’t “there” when I needed them. Probably all of us have. I had a particularly painful friendship once, with a person who often asked me for favors but was testy and even down-putting when I needed help. I’ve let people down, too. Sometimes we cherish our friendships but we’re not truly tuned in to certain friends' needs, or our own needs are too pressing at the time the friend wanted support.
I will keep this story in mind, however. Maybe someone is in pain---dying inside, figuratively speaking---and is waiting for someone to reach out. Perhaps that person is waiting for you or me specifically.
1. Wayne Dosick, Living Judaism: The Complete Guide to Jewish Belief, Tradition, and Practice (HarperOne, Reprint Edition, 2010).
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