No Pancakes For Me

from http://www.gratefulfoodie.com/
finding-balance-and-peace-in-reno-lime-spa/

Typically I observe Lent through adding something---especially increased and more regular devotional reading---rather than abstaining from something. That always felt a little more helpful to me. But this year I got a head start in abstaining from certain foods because, honestly, I’m too chubby, and I’ve gotten that way through letting anxiety get the best of me and relieving the stress through noshing. So I’m not even having pancakes and goodies on Fat Tuesday tomorrow for fear I'll get off track again.

I’ve had good reasons to be anxious, especially my mother’s death back in September which, although expected for a long time, was pretty devastating. Also, I’ve been working very hard to create a niche here in a still-fairly-new location. For me that has a lot to do with actively seeking opportunities and then trusting in and waiting for God. Waiting for God, though, isn't always easy!

Judging professional developments is a different kind of stress than the loss of a parent. I felt like I worked through quite a bit of grief last fall, but I’ve been avoiding a visit to my parents’ graves, and not just because it's a three-hour round trip. In some ways, I’m still sad about the sale of my childhood home in 2007, so this season is a good time to introspect. Lent is a spiritual time but for me (and surely for a lot of us) the spiritual isn’t inseparable from one’s physical and emotional wellbeing, too.

Even amid the grieving process, I do feel more “in balance,” however, than I did last year. I had too much on my plate because one of my responsibilities turned out to be more time-consuming and difficult than anticipated. I thought I was going to be all right as long as I didn’t volunteer for anything else. I’m pretty good at saying “no” if I need to. But sure enough, some extra responsibilities that I couldn’t avoid fell on my shoulders. What a frantic time; I'm still a little resentful about it.

When life gets out of balance, you feel like you’re in a car that is teetering off a cliff. If anything more is added, you’re going to be in trouble! (In cartoons and comedies, a tiny bird lands on the hood and that’s all it takes for the car to plummet.) You think you can get through the day, but something unexpected causes you to change your plans.

Even daily difficulties can become that “tiny bird on the hood.” When I was a kid, family and friends sometimes dropped by to chat with my folks. One afternoon a cousin visited Mom, with her kids in tow.  But the cousin was a very talkative person, the kind who scarcely pauses for a breath. Mom offered them snacks, and unfortunately they stayed quite a long time. The little boy used the bathroom and left it a smelly mess. After they left a couple hours later, my mom was stressed and tearful. All her goals for the day seemed sabotaged.

I think I’ll try to post a few thoughts this Lent concerning balance: for me, an essential aspect of wellbeing.